How to nail being a ‘no’ person at work: Setting boundaries and finding compromise with a client or manager

Do you consider yourself to be a ‘yes’ person, or a ‘no’ person? Or perhaps sometimes one, sometimes the other? Saying ‘no’ can feel contrary, unhelpful - but it’s often vital for us to stay on course with our goals and the work that’s right for us (and respectful to us).

It’s easy to think you need to be a ‘yes’ person to succeed at work, and that saying yes is essential to progressing or building a business. Say yes to everything asked of you, say yes to everything your manager or your client wants, say yes to every opportunity. That’s the secret to success! If a client wants something in particular from you, say yes to it. After all, you don't want to annoy the client or your manager by saying: “Actually, no thank you, that’s not going to work for me.” (Or, more simply: “I don’t want to”).

And while it might feel like ‘yes’ is the best thing to do, I believe that saying no is really, really important. Even if it feels like you’re ‘pushing back’ or you're being contrary, awkward, or difficult. ‘No’ feels more risky - but sometimes it’s essential. Let’s dig into setting boundaries around ‘no’, ‘yes’ and ‘maybe’ in the world of work.

It’s not just about refusal or acceptance…

You may want to huff, or scream ‘No! I don’t want to!’ (and ‘it’s unfair of you to ask!’) but while I’ve often been a ‘no’ person in my career, I am finding that a yes can be a ‘no on my terms’.

Yes’ or ‘no’ could also be a ‘maybe’, or ‘let’s talk about it’. For example, yes, I can do that work for the client, but it’ll cost more. Or yes, I’ll take on that project, but I’ll need overtime/other projects changing around.

Ask yourself: “What are my boundaries with being asked to do more than expected?”

Where do you draw the line? It’s not always about what’s being asked but also about who’s asking. Trusted client who pays on time? Maybe you’ll do the extra bit of work. A respectful manager who also supports and guides you? Yes, you might lean into some work for them. Boundaries can be practical (how much time it takes you) or emotional (whether it feels like you’re being taken advantage of).

What’s your why?

If you want to say ‘no’, then it can help to think of a reason why. So rather than just saying no, you could say, “unfortunately, that's not within the scope of works that we agreed” or, “I’d love to but the timeframe won’t allow for that”. A practical reason turns your no from a feeling into an action. Saying “It’s above my pay grade” will just annoy a manager. Instead, why not offer a reason why you aren’t able to commit - either other work commitments, or perhaps resources. “I’d be keen, but I’d need to pause on project A while I commit to project B”. In other words: “No, unless you let me stop some of the other million things I’m doing.”

Be prepared for push back

The other thing you've got to do is be prepared for further pushback. So, for example, a client or your manager says, “Can you do X, Y, Z?” And you say, “Actually, I don't feel like that's something I do want to commit to. I don't feel like that's something I can do.”

But they might then say, “well, we'll pay you to do extra”. Or “It’d be really great if you could do this thing, because it’ll be great when we come to talk about promotion…” (Not that they should do that!). But you then need to be able to stick to your guns and say, “No, I definitely don't want to, because of these reasons”.

Did you ever make these? I used to love making them as a kid! Image: Canva

Check in with your values and the reason it might be a ‘no’

Another element to consider is whether the request is right for you on a values level. What is coming up that’s making you want to say no? It might be that it’s the culmination of, say, negative management style, or a demanding client. Do you feel like they’re always pushing you and they’re demanding too much and you don’t feel valued - and suddenly this is the one ‘ask’ too far?

Try not to throw a tantrum, either - I’ve been guilty of this sooo many times! I consider myself a calmer ‘no’ person these days, but the tantrum feelings still bubble away when I’m asked to do something over and above and those values and boundaries get pressured.

Own your decision!

Saying no to a request can feel really icky - and if you’re anything like me you’ll find yourself with pangs of regret. You said no - they’ll never work with you again! You declined to do the work you were asked (beyond your remit) to do - you’ll be overlooked for promotion and be the talk of the board room (for the wrong reasons)!

If you go ahead with a ‘no - on your terms, balanced not reactionary - then you need to stand by it. When you feel the wobble of ‘I should have said yes’, remind yourself of the reasons why. Check back in with your values and the reasoning behind your ‘no’.

Find clarity in the quagmire of work decisions

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